What makes a guy become a player?

By |2018-09-15T05:01:47+00:00June 27th, 2018|Uncategorised|0 Comments

What drives him to do it, and can he ever change?

It’s crucial to understand that in any part of our love lives, we must know what drives guys at their core.

A guy who wants a relationship is driven in one way and a guy who wants to be a player is driven in a very different way.

Here’s the surprising thing: It doesn’t mean that they’re meeting different needs.

Both guys could actually be trying to meet the same needs.

I’ll give you an example: The player type could be trying to meet needs for variety, excitement, and validation.

Variety because there are all these different women and he gets to try all different things.

Excitement because it’s always new, it’s always fresh and unpredictable and who knows what’s going to happen tomorrow, who knows who I’m going to bump into today?

Validation because he keeps getting all of these yeses from different women and he keeps affirming how attractive he is as a man.

Take the guy who gets into a relationship. He’s not necessarily any different; he could just get his variety from being in a relationship.

>> “What Really Makes a Man Commit”

When you’re in a relationship – it’s new, it’s fresh, it’s different, it’s exciting. Who knows what’s going to happen today, tomorrow?

Yes, there’s predictability and stability, but there’s also the unpredictability of how you’re going to grow together, where the journey is going to take you, and what you’re going to be doing together next week.

There’s variety and excitement. Validation too – what can be more validating than someone you’re deeply connected to telling you they love you, telling you they want you, telling you they want to be with you long term?

So those two guys can both be meeting the same needs but they’ve found different ways to do it. The moment where a player decides he wants a relationship is NOT the moment where all his needs change.

Sometimes his needs shift in terms of their priority level. In other words, maybe his need for variety goes down and his need for stability goes up, his need for real connection goes up.

But it’s dangerous to think too much like that. And here’s why: When he gets into a relationship, isn’t it true that his need for variety can come back up over time? Sometimes if it becomes predictable the need for variety gets stronger.

It’s not that the old needs leave him, it’s that sometimes they have a reshuffle in importance. As a woman, still the biggest priority should be meeting all of his needs because that way even if he had the player type in him, now that he’s in a relationship he’s going to be excited about what that brings because it’s still meeting every one of his needs.

The biggest challenge for anyone in a relationship – women and men – is to show someone that they can still meet all of their needs in a relationship but at an even higher level than they could than when they were single.

I saw this guy, Paul Janka, on The Dr. Phil Show. I want you to picture this guy – Harvard-educated; tall, dark, and handsome; the world at his feet; amazing guy to be around; charming. He has a magnetism around him.

Now this guy was a major player. He went out and messed around with all different women and he had this system. He would meet women on the streets of New York City and get them to come home with him right away. Not even a date. He claimed he’d slept with over 100 women without getting into a relationship. This game he’d created drove him for a long time because it met so many of his needs.

When you’re in a relationship – it’s new, it’s fresh, it’s different, it’s exciting. Who knows what’s going to happen today, tomorrow?

Yes, there’s predictability and stability, but there’s also the unpredictability of how you’re going to grow together, where the journey is going to take you, and what you’re going to be doing together next week.

There’s variety and excitement. Validation too – what can be more validating than someone you’re deeply connected to telling you they love you, telling you they want you, telling you they want to be with you long term?

So those two guys can both be meeting the same needs but they’ve found different ways to do it. The moment where a player decides he wants a relationship is NOT the moment where all his needs change.

Sometimes his needs shift in terms of their priority level. In other words, maybe his need for variety goes down and his need for stability goes up, his need for real connection goes up.

But it’s dangerous to think too much like that. And here’s why: When he gets into a relationship, isn’t it true that his need for variety can come back up over time? Sometimes if it becomes predictable the need for variety gets stronger.

It’s not that the old needs leave him, it’s that sometimes they have a reshuffle in importance. As a woman, still the biggest priority should be meeting all of his needs because that way even if he had the player type in him, now that he’s in a relationship he’s going to be excited about what that brings because it’s still meeting every one of his needs.

The biggest challenge for anyone in a relationship – women and men – is to show someone that they can still meet all of their needs in a relationship but at an even higher level than they could than when they were single.

I saw this guy, Paul Janka, on The Dr. Phil Show. I want you to picture this guy – Harvard-educated; tall, dark, and handsome; the world at his feet; amazing guy to be around; charming. He has a magnetism around him.

Now this guy was a major player. He went out and messed around with all different women and he had this system. He would meet women on the streets of New York City and get them to come home with him right away. Not even a date. He claimed he’d slept with over 100 women without getting into a relationship. This game he’d created drove him for a long time because it met so many of his needs.

So what happened there?

What changed?

How does the guy go from being that much of this player type to being the relationship type?

The truth is he was never just one or the other. He just meets his needs now in a relationship.

I interviewed him for over an hour on this. I tracked him down and I said, “Listen, Paul, I want to talk to you about this and I don’t want you to be politically correct about it, I want you to give us the brutal truth about why you do these things and what shifted so that women can understand how to do this with other men or how to avoid certain men.”

I talked to him and I said, “What was happening in the early days when you kept going through all these different women?”

He said they all made the same mistakes.

Now I’m sure that there were things that he changed about himself, but he said, “So many women were making the exact same mistake that led me to always think of them as people that I just wanted to play around with and not someone I wanted a relationship with.”

He said the woman who changed that for him was the woman who came along and added genuine VALUE to his life.

Remember that, because it is one of the most crucial components in getting a guy into a relationship: Am I adding value to his life?

So the big message I want to get across today is the key to men.

If you want to know how to get the most out of them, how to lead them down the path toward commitment, you must understand what drives them at a fundamental level.

When you understand that, you’ll know how to meet their needs in a relationship with you instead of the ways they’re currently meeting them right now.

I’ve made it my life’s mission to discover what makes men commit and help you get that passionate – and lasting – relationship you crave.

Whether you’ve fallen for a guy who’s a player or want to move your casual relationship toward commitment, marriage, and a family, I can teach you how.

In my video coaching program, Keep the Guy, you’ll learn:

  • The make-or-break moments that take place on the first 5 dates that will either make a man run away, or put you in the marriage category immediately.
  • ​The “Rare Gemstone” technique that instantly has him seeing you as different from any other woman he’s been with, and the ONLY woman he wants for the rest of his life (This is what Paul Janka’s girlfriend did to prove to him that she was a high value woman who can’t be replaced.)
  • The exact wording you should use for the “What are we?” conversation, that will actually lead to him asking you to be exclusive.
  • How to make him so addicted to being in a relationship with you that he never has nagging thoughts of wanting to be single again.
  • How to get him to propose by learning the 5 things that shape his decision to marry you.
  • And so much more.

Always committed to your happiness,
Matt xx

https://www.hseia.com

http://www.matthewhussey.com/

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